dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
