that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
