I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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