My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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