just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
