piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
