Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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