the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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