We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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