well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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