oh god the rape fog is back!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
