Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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