i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
