I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
false alarm, still single
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