After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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