I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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