I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
