Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
