I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
