i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
