I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
