it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
