she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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