Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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