I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
