Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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