i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
