your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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