i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
