I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
