You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
