I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
