hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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