I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Never joke about your clitoris.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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