I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
