Michael Bay diarrhea
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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