i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
