If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
