I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
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how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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