That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
