she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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