Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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