just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
