Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
