I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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