listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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