It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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