Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
