I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize