talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
