I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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