Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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