he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
