You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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