Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
accomplished twins. life is a go
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
