if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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