No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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