I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
