You just made me feel so damn special
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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