your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
